Property Comedian Pillows

"They do say it's a real sun trap in the late afternoon.."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

Pest Control

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

'Oh, look, honey - the master closet has a walk-in bedroom!'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'Like I said - this property is only a stone's throw from the ocean!'