Promotion Punster Pillows

'This wasn't what I was expecting when they told me they were kicking me upstairs.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Sweep the board.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

Kamikaze Colour