Promise Keepers Pillows

"Tom..Tom, you promised not to flame my parents..."

"When you promised me a lift home...."

'Hey - my dad promised that I'd get a gun.'

A child interrupting family prayers

Mother's Love

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

"Your farm's doing well John. What's your secret?"

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

"Like WikiLeaks has nothing better to do."

"I'll do whatever it takes to save this marriage. Even if that means having to work weekends."

I thought we agreed, this birdbath was our little secret!

"It's up to you to keep the dream alive."

Fortune teller has a diary for 2017

'Yes, your wedding vows are still binding even if you DID get married during the Clinton administration.'

How To Keep Promises

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

Happy New Year!

Miranda's husband accidentally discovers her secret garden.

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

A Passage in the Life of Mr. Watkins Tottle

Gym Resolutions

"If only he made goals all of the time instead of just at the beginning of the year."

Get rich quick giving seminars!

"My grades will get better. I discovered some potentially embarrassing things about my teacher."

Preventing the Discovery of an Affair

Do you think we should tell anyone about this?

Guess Your Age 25c Keep Your Age a Secret $10.

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'