Promise Ponderers Pillows

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

"I'll have dessert first."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'I say we try it.'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"Woah - random!"

'He's always looking for an argument!'

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

The End is Near.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

Dorothy finds the Yellow brick road is now a 6-lane expressway.

Various Birds of Pray.