Progressive Parents Pillows

"We don't believe in pressuring the children. When the time is right, they'll choose the appropriate gender."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"He just said his first word!"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

'You can't start them exercising too early.'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'It just says strange things happened after she ate the wafers. It doesn't mention their street value.'

Phone Mittens

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

The conversion.

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Big book of memes

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!