Programmatic Ponderer Pillows

"No need to be alarmed. It's just the new head of programmatic advertising."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"What was I thinking?!"

"Needs to get a life"

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

Max Weber

'THAT'S the Holy Land? - You're kidding, right?'

The Politics of Food.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

"Don't mention Pat Buchanan, pro or con."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

George Santayana

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

A man holding a pro-life sign stands above a group of beaten people who are pro choice.

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'