Profit Guru Gifts

Kid's Lemonade Stand Has A High Pricing Policy

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

'I've done a lot of soul searching, Jenkins, and I've realized there's more to money than life.'

'We're plowing our excess profits back into justifying our profits.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

'You're such a crafty investor! You're the master of profit, you're Mr Turnover, you're the rainmaker! Ohhhhh - your bank account is sooooo biiiiig!'

Soaring Profits

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"