Savings Guru Gifts

"Forget keeping all your eggs in one basket. What you need is a nest egg..."

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

Ah -- You must be a capitalist swine.

'If you work in a bank, you must know a lot of pigs.'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'Broke again?' - 'Yes, I wasted my last few pounds on the rent.'

'You are very highly recommended for making retirement savings and lifespans come out even.'

Toast Pops Out of Piggy Bank.

Brian's into shopping since I explained he's hunting for bargains and I'm gathering his savings.

'It's my nest egg, I plan on having him support me in my retirement.'

"You've had a job for more than a year...and you have no money?"

Roasting the Moneybox

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"