Professor Punster Pillows

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Sweep the board.

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'