Professional Sports Observer Pillows

Sports Sponsorship "What do you mean he lost?"

"I AM at my usual position."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Cricket Accidents.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Centaur Forward

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Wilfried Zaha

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

Lost Season

Basketball.

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."