Sports Commentary Observer Pillows

"He's like Tiger Woods before his comeback."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I think you're ace

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Kenny Dalglish

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Centaur Forward

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.