Professional Joker Pillows

"Any other strengths?"

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'I see by your resume that you are my son. If this checks out, the job is yours.'

I'm worried about our accountant...he's so scruffy!

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'You know too much,'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

Good News about winter

Fish hunting for men.

'How about a game of cards?'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Candid Camera store.

'I love cutting trees in perfect circles because it drives aerial photography interpreters crazy.'

". . . So that's 4 birdies, 1 eagle, 2 ferrets and a rabbit!"

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Caution May Contain Nuts.

Shoes Make The Man

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

While You Were Out: We Moved!

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Sharks hate practical jokes.

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'