Professional Comedians Pillows

'The feedback on the extended opening hours was generally excellent, although some people feel we should provide croissants and coffee in the morning and a little late supper in the evening.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

They're Not Just That Into It

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Trump pardons

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Your French dip, sir.'

'The circle is complete!'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

No-Work Orange

The Rooster Comedian.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.