Productivity Mentor Gifts

Office Safety - Slip/Trip Hazards.

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

Time Is Money

Motivation to work

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

Responsibility and duties

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

Working Environment

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

"I think you're becoming a workaholic."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

'He's still able to do the work of three committees.'

Productivity as a goal

'I start my day by making a list of everything I need to do . . . and who I can get to do it for me.'

'Here, here and here the copier was jammed...'

"Here comes our first V.P., Mrs. Byers, now. Mrs. Byers is results-oriented."

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"