Procedural Plot Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"In the hat! In the hat!"

10 commandments

'I've got'em right where I want'em.'

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

"We need a plot twist."

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

He Didn't Know How To Appreciate Nature

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

Ghost Porn

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

Mid-list Author Magazine

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

"Give me a couple years, and I can answer your simple question about the new regulations."

"Is this necessary? I already confessed."

'We find the defendant guilty, but feel his alibi would make a good premise for a John Grisham book.'

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'

"The report is damning about the lack of strong leadership... I think we need to table some time to consider the option of setting up a policy sub-commitee to look at our options..."

'Eddy Penguin? I'm not sure, officer... Can you desctibe him?'

Conspiracy theorist

'You're going to have to trust me on this one, okay?'

'Okay, I have the that backward. Step out of the car and then put your hands up.'

The Jew and Morris both begin to understand each other

"He has friends in high places!"

"You know who I'd like to see on the team? Stephen Miller."

The Chicken's Revenge.

'God, how I hate bent coppers.'

'The scruffy gits Fawkes.'