Private Eye T-Shirts

'Business was slow, slower than a fat tortoise with a limp. The phone hadn't rung for so long I thought it must be out of order. The new competition was good, very good. Who was this 'Google' guy?'

'I'll take the case,' I said. Or did I? I fear I'm no longer able to differentiate between interior and exterior monologue.'

The Anti-Agent

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

hard-boiled egg...

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

The Philip Marlow family

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

Detective and child follow footprints using magnifying glasses.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"I spy with my little eye…"

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"That's hardly necessary!"

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"There she be, lads, the special economic zone!"

Mou...Man trap!

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

Remote Control Pirate Ship.

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

"How many letters can you read?"

J. Edgar - F.B.Eye Lives On.

'I could concentrate on finding your husband better if that creature would stop burping!'