Private Chatter Gifts

What happens in vagueness stays in vagueness.

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

"Your difficulty communicating how you really feel, is because of your inherent inability to display complex emotion."

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

'Are you in here tonight?'

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

Hot Line

'Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?'

'We know it makes you happy, but your father and I think you're spending too much time on the computer.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"This is a 'warts and all' biography with some really great warts."

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

'What's that supposed to mean!?!'

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

Online Dating

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

"This is the wine talking."

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'

Phone Dating: Man imagines a gorgeous girl while woman thinks of a handsome man.

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

'My name is Kerry and I'm an email-aholic...'

"You'll have to speak up. I'm very loud in here."