Privacy Philosopher Pillows

"Thank you for calling civil liberties - your call may be recorded."

"I don't mind giving up the appearance of privacy to live with the illusion of safety."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"I accept the cookies I cannot change."

"What does the word 'privacy' mean, honey? Why don't you ask our virtual assistant?"

Computer spying.

Invade My Privacy $5

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

"That satellite that constantly tracks our position on earth to within fifty feet recommends that we get out more."

"I may as well die - I have nothing left to reveal."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Anti-Agent

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Club Antisocial

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

Privacy Conference Security

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

She required plenty of personal space.

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

'More government surveillance!'