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'I was convicted for embezzling from a sperm bank.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"Can I still do my pilates?"

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'It's windy this morning.'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

Prisoner playing golf with his ball and chains.

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

Identity theft. You?

"He says he won't wear a mask."

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

'Yes, you look stunning. Can I put the mirror down now?'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

Prison decorating