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'I was convicted for embezzling from a sperm bank.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

'It's windy this morning.'

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

Prison decorating

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

'So, how was your day?'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

"He says he won't wear a mask."

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

'Yes, you look stunning. Can I put the mirror down now?'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'