Prison Life Irony Appreciator Gifts

'I too ended up in here because of a woman, but that was long, long, long, long time ago.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

Big business is not evil

Peace bomb.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"Can you hear me now?"

"Alas, poor Yorick!"

Antiques, Furniture Stripping, Stripping.

'A credit card company has told us not to bother to apply. We're pre-disapproved.'

"I must say for a man with a morbid fear of roaming herds, you've had some damnable luck.. "

"Everyone reading their fortunes aloud will not relieve the crushingly dull conversation."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

"Try and give me... happy."

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

Santa visits prison.

Noise Pollution Symposium.

'Whoops! I forgot to warn you about the soft spots up here.'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

'Why can't you play harmonica like all the other inmates?'

'The first time it was a fine. Second time, fine and probation. Third time...'

Golf courses on the rough side of town.

Dear Edward, here is the cake in the file that you wanted. Love, Sue.

No, I don't want to build a fort.

'You've got to get me out of here... my cellmate just gave me flowers and candy.'

'Somebody tweeted.'

"Neato, keeno - bunk beds!"

I'll tell you what I most miss...being able to garrote people...

Hey, be glad he just wanted to play through.

"They're suppositories. Well what other type of drugs do you expect me to smuggle in."