Priority Philosopher Gifts

You are charged with having the wrong priorities....

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

"One year closer to college!"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life after death

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

Arhimedes had principles: 'I'm not getting in that bath till it's 23 degrees.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Women

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."