Primitive Tools Collector Pillows

"Well here's your trouble right here...Your flints have gone."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"He loves his leaf blower."

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

The Hammer

'I've found a spade I like Julia...'

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

'And here's the toolkit.'

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

Scales

Harold was pleased to discover that his grandson was also a big tool fan.

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

"You've not used a chainsaw before have you?"

'It's my latest invention -- I cal lit 'a rock tied to a stick.''

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

Handy-lion

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"