Primetime Protector Gifts

'I want to have a good talk with you.' - 'Can it wait until after primetime.'

A Hole in the Dike

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

Bug Spray/Sun Screen

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

Polio - The Comeback Kid

"Dang!"

'You've had enough!'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

'You expect me to play with educational toys during SUMMER VACATION?'

"For extra protection, this one is armed with a tiny gun of its own."

"My pappy built this shell with his bare claws. I'll be damned if some freeloader moves in."

"Have they no shame?"

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

AIDS prevention

'Is there anything more infectious than the laughter of children?... Besides us, I mean.'

Protecting Historic Landmarks

School crossing

"Stop annoying my pooch!"

Bottle bank

'Pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

"My security system sucks."

'He's telling you the truth, he doesn't have his lunch money today. He invested it in my services.'

A child's fear of bogeymen, monsters and trolls under the bed is easily resolved, simply cut the legs off the bed.

Children and the pandemic

Modern Childhood

'My mom says you can come in sans nanchaku.'

Safety Goggles and Breathing Apparatus must be worn in the Sandpit

'Get behind me Satan!'

'Let's get one thing straight, Bowser, I got you for protection, not companionship.'