Prickly Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Stopped a shoplifter today. Caught him red-handed.'

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Trappist Monk Discord

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What does it say, Dad?'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

HELLth Food Sprouts

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.

The Frankenstein snowman.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

Clone Factory

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

Trump Tariffs

"Inactivists"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Snorkeling: A Dollar A Minute

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Pokemon Get Lost

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."