Pretentiousness Parodist Gifts

"Yuck. I could make better crêpes fourrées aux boeufs brouillés au parmesan myself."

"Oh, this old thing?"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"It's a swearbox."

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"Frankly, I don't believe his tastevin is in the repair shop."

"Oh, we'll hang Kaiser BIll to the sour-apple tree..."

Humor in the workplace is serious stuff. Never laugh before the drum roll.

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

Max Beerbohm

Working the bugs out of his spear invention

'I found it difficult to put down, but I will. It's trite rubbish.'

I say if life gives you tapens, make tapenade.

'Hey look.The company president is butt naked!'

The Red Cat: Draught Dodger/How the Red Cat Sees the Garden/Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, If I had a dead mouse, I'd give it to you.

'Alas poor Website, I vaguely remember what you were going on about...'

"On the other hand, Holmes - maybe you're just completely stoned."

'You call that restaurant upscale? I couldn't even get a pitcher of Champagne.'

Bad Children's Book #68 - The Very Hungry Tapeworm.

Observing Toilet Paper

'Just 18 spoons of sugar makes the medicine go down...'

"'Au contraire' to you, too."

Beware of God.