Pretentious Reader T-Shirts

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

"Oh, this old thing?"

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

"This is one of her more important paintings from her early period."

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

D. H. Lawrence

Foodies at a Diner. We'll have the alphabet soup, unless it's Helvetica or Times New Roman.

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

Multitasking

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'

". . . and if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, any reason at all, like, say, something that might have happened after a long heart-to-heart and a few too many drinks, for instance, last week maybe, something you felt bad enough to bring to Confession, which you definitely should have, because it's pretty serious- anyway, speak now..."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

Best Sellers; Worst Sellers.

The Voracious Reader's Guide to Binge Watching

"Revelatory, Michael - such airy meatballs."

"We grind our own catnip."

"Frankly, I don't believe his tastevin is in the repair shop."

Misery lit...

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

'I'm determined to get on that ethics committee if I have to bribe or blackmail everyone I know.'

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

"...Selected for redundancy due to lengthy and unexplained absence ... blah...blah..."

Law Books

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

'I read your last book. . . at least I hope it was your last book.'

Books And Their Authors: "Hollywood's view of shoes..."

"This one suggests I take a long walk off a short pier and this one says to go jump in the lake...I could use a vacation."

"I read War and Peace, liked 1/2 of it."