Pretend Reader Gifts

"What are you pretending to be absorbed in?"

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

Mini tennis players playing on table tennis court.

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

"I know. But I think I can change him."

"Jonathan! I've told you not to put your space toys in the freezer and pretend they're on the ice planet!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"I'm playing "Explorer" and looking for the Elephant Cemetery: there should be really big bones there!"

Pirates

'And I say he makes us look bad when he rides around listening to those books.'

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

"Sometimes, late at night, I do wonder, 'is he laughing at me or laughing with me?'"

A not-so-bright vampire with Seasonal Affective Disorder.

"I read an unforgettable book! Unfortunately, I don't remember the title and the author..."

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'We should have removed that sign.'

Multitasking

"I see travel and romance. You'll be going away soon. I see a tall, dark stranger with many tattoos."

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

Man reading in lamp

'Hello, my name is Death'

Wash and Go...to hell...

'Cause of death is still unknown. We hope to learn more once he's dead'

'Nine out of ten witch doctors stranded on an island prefer eyes of newt over bat wings for a headache.'

'I'm tired of throwing lightning bolts. Do we have any water balloons?'

'He had Rumplestiltskin spin all the kingdom's straw into gold, and then all the cows starved to death.'

'... and then Peter was Mr. McGregor...'

"Okay, so I wasted a wish. But, I had to check he wasn't just fooling with us."

Desperate Househusbands

Thriller of the Week

I'm here for my training course. - 'Please take a seat' - 'Ah... ten blissful minutes to read the paper in silence.' - '' - 'Did you park in the red bay?' - 'Yes.' - 'Big mistake, 'half pint'. You can't park there.' - 'But...' - 'Move it!!!' - 'Okay, ok

'No, I can't be the horse, YOU have to be the horse!'