Press Release Author Gifts

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Meet the author"

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"The parasol certainly paid for itself this summer."

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

Meet the author Billy Bovine.

Mary Trump

Man selling lamb weekly

Man milks a book.

'We know it's good...we had an excellent ghost writer.'

'Sure, I cam up with fire, and the wheel, but you're only as good as your last idea.'

Meet the Authors

President Grant denies Ambitions for 3rd Term- A 'Blighting Effect' on Newspaper Editors

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

'...but our most useful publication is the 'Journal of Don't-Do-It: It's-Already-Been-Done.''

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

These remarks are completely off the record

The Croucho Club

Meet the Oar-thor.

'That's nice, but isn't it supposed to be a grill?'

Man with giant firework strapped to his back has colleague light the fuse

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

"Your new phone comes with this fire extinguisher. And we already added the number to the fire dept. to your contacts."

Cottage Industry

Hilary Mantel

Independent Exit Poll.

'I think your book will be a huge success.'

"I'm sorry, Prolf. Minskov, but that article on Minskov's theory...they want someone else to write it."