Press Headline Grabber Gifts

'We're here to talk to your son about his website...'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

Newspaper suicide.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'How fast can you hype?'

Big Newspaper Delivery

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

The Expert

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

News for Sale

Scientist seen on loch.

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"These cartoons are insulting! I don't like it at all! I would never watch something that shows Latinos like this!"

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

The Daily Fury

'Inflated gloom!'

Newspaper

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"!