Press Conference Satirist Gifts

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Cat job interviews.'

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"Can you hear me now?"

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

The No-Spin Zone: Fox news( hurricane ).

Dollars Press Conference

CIA Recommended TVs

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

'...And now it's time for today's celebrity hissy-fit....'

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

'...And now, it's time for the news, sports, weather and bimbos.'

"Road? What particular road are we talking about here? You'll have to be more specific..."

"The media should...keep its mouth shut and just listen for awhile."

"If anyone has a question do not hesitate to open your mouth wide up."

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'