President's Day Gifts

Barack Obama

Did you celebrate Barack Obama yesterday? Why? Because it was President's Day and it's Black History Month. I celebrated half of him. When do you celebrate the other half? St. Patrick's Day. But he's only part Irish. West Fester.

What did you do for President's Day, Ms. Tully? Admired our president. But you said his record is disappointing. And that he's just like all the doofus white politicians. That's a good thing. It proves we're absolutely equal!

George Washington

Abraham Lincoln

John F Kennedy.

Barack Obama's To Do list.

"I don't care how much snow is out there...we have sales to get to!"

"It's called 'President's Day', not 'Your President's Day'."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Staff support"

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

Golfing Boss

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'