Preservative Ponderers Pillows

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Ten Commandments

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"Great, now we're lost."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

Karine Jean-Pierre

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

"The arc of the moral universe."

"Oh, bless! His or Her or Their or It's First Words!"

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

"Think about it: State-of-the-art tar preservation! And then, when we eventually find a cure for this extinction thing, there YOU are! On the ground floor!"

'I've thought the same thing myself. He certainly doesn't look like any of us.'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

'It's my dreams: I find them offensive.'

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

A batch of bills are abandoned near the end of the parliamentry session

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'

"The lack of perspective kills me..."

"It used to be called pensions."