Prepper Aspirant Gifts

Climate Change Contingency House

"I find you can't have too many man caves."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

The End is Nigh

Prepper Dog

Human Resources Dept. When the boss says you're on the "short list" for promotion, it's not a crack about your height.

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

"Last question. Where do you see yourself thirty seconds from now?"

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

"I'm sorry, I always fall to pieces at interviews."

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

Safe harbour

'Sure, who wouldn't want to be a secretary. Secretary of State.'

'I don't usually deal with headhunters on jobs that pay $21,500.'

'I want to be ready when the sea level rises!'

'I'd chalk it up to just another crazy backyard hobby...'

'It's not the peasants, majesty! They're college grads seeking career work.'

'Of course this game is educational; how else could I prepare for a zombie apocalypse.'

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

"Today our quest continues for someone who can come up with a solution for dealing with the partisan gridlock in Washington."

End of Times

Toilet paper rush

"I've looked at all the options and there's no pension plan we can afford that will look after us in old age. . ."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. XI

Survivalists' supplies: The customer's always right wing.