Preparing For School Gifts

"Gracie, you do not need a cell phone. Little girls like you don't get important phone calls."

"Dad, I need $2,356."

A Puppet Named Juan

Ethics exam cheater.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Computer Room.

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'C'mon get it straight.'

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

Big Bang Theory.

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

Reach for the Star.

I will study my speling words...

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

Burning the midnight oil.

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."