Premier League Ponderer Pillows

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Shakespeare was bisexual

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"Firing is too good for you, Mike. I'm going to give you MY job instead!"

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'U.S. Manufacturing'

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

"I appreciate you have a real passion for music Mr Hibberd. . . but I can see you're going to struggle with the piano."

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

'Are you sure its a purbred?'

"Who has the most power... the president or his wife?"

Biden Workload

'Today, stocks dropped on poll numbers that 60% of people expected it to drop.'

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

"The ladder comes in due time, but for now, be satisfied with the corporate step stool."

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Parson wishing to seem as though he is not drinking

'I have problems following my wife's plot lines.'

"Beats me - I've never dealt with a sovereign debt crisis before."

"The good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team!...and the bad news? You are the team!"

How to think and act like a professional cricketer.

"Good news, Spreadbury - you're to become the executive plaything."

'We take pride in the fact that all of our managers are recruited directly from our front-line office staff!'

Hmmm... what's my real purpose? Why am I here? - 'Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Let me guess!' - 'Go on, then.' - 'Is your life a homage mediocrity?' - 'Ouch.' - 'Quizzes are fun! Ask me more!' -