Prehistoric Gourmet Gifts

'Here go, Thegla... It recipe you ask for.'

"Let me see if I've got this straight. A rock, a couple of sticks, a leg of mammoth, and some fire. That's it??"

"I'm trying to stick to a Paleo diet. Do you think cavemen had wasabi sauce on their sushi?"

"Caught nothing today... what are we going to eat?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Holiday Supplies

'Is this still America?'

Cheese

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Cooking'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'