Prehistoric Gourmet Gifts

'Here go, Thegla... It recipe you ask for.'

"Let me see if I've got this straight. A rock, a couple of sticks, a leg of mammoth, and some fire. That's it??"

"I'm trying to stick to a Paleo diet. Do you think cavemen had wasabi sauce on their sushi?"

"Caught nothing today... what are we going to eat?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

'Cooking'