Pregnant Sister Pillows

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

Cry babies.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

"I had no idea life could be so complicated."

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Moms gone wild

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'I don't like that one. . . how about the one with the cute smile.'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"Good news. Your mother is pregnant, so, we won't be mortgaging your future."

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

The Ultrasound.

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"It must be hereditary. My mom got pregnant too!!"

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

"You mean my little sister could be a BOY?"

'Another common mistake is to forget to take off the dirty nappy before putting the clean one on.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm a fully qualified puppeteer!'

Baby Shower.

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

"I guess I've got the spirit in me!"

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

"Hunter, gatherer, we don't really care, as long as it's healthy."