Precision Pun Enthusiast Pillows

'Oh, man - how many times have I told you? Measure twice, cut once.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

baby sweetcorn...

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

Transylvanian backpackers.

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

hard-boiled egg...

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

Stoneage puncture repair kit...