Precision Planner Gifts

CEO Barney Bingle reassured analysts that his company's earnings target is still in sight.

"We only got six days of funding."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

When Engineers Crack.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"I think you might need to start again."

Innovation & Calculation

A cat is hiding in a block of cheese to lure a mouse out of its hole.

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

'Then it's settled. We'll make 7 million with blue handles, 5 million with red handles, 4 million with purple handles and 2 million with green handles.'

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

'More homes and wind turbines planned.'

Monday around 9PM.

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Engineer on the move.

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

Our Productivity Plan: More Coffee

Father Time Management

"We're still trying to sort out the details."

Bad Office Planning

Clear construction agreements are important.

"I thought an illogical framework would work better."

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

Hi! You want to, like, hang out? Sure. When are you free? Twig! Time to pack. We're leaving!! In about a year? It's on my iCal.

I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. we forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we'd hoped to use died in 1958

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"Of course nobody can make head nor tale of it, but the good news is that it's been nominated for the Turner prize next year."