Prayer Gifts

"Actually, it's pronounced 'An-hel'."

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Put it in writing!

It was the answer to his prayers. Not the one he was hoping for, but an answer nonetheless.

'Put it in writing!'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'

'You must close your eyes during grace.'

'...and please, please, please, give me a chance to price to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me...'

Give Thanks.

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Can Jesus come out and pray?

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

This prayer may be monitored or recorded for quality purposes. Please hold. A representative will be with you shortly.'

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I got a real tough penance from the priest. He told me to do a decade of the rosary. The good news is I only have one more year to go."

Prayers For Agnostics

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"What does God do with all that prayer data?"

And could you separate my hands...I accidentally super-glued them together...

'Please RSVP.'

'Happy New Year to you!'

Monk

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'Number 1 on my fave 5 is Dial-A-Prayer.'

"99, 100. Ready or not, here I come." And so begins Bob's search for spiritual fulfillment.

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli, Bless the apple pie twice.'

Bless this Turkey...

'Yes, I think God still would want you to say grace for asparagus and carrots.'

'Keep up the good work!'

'If it's alright with you, I'd rather not inherit the earth.'

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'