Pragmatic Partner Gifts

'Subject to contract, will you be my wife?'

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"I married for love." "I divorced for money."

Christmas present.

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'The tests are pretty conclusive, Mrs. Kane. It's going to be a brat.'

'The old one fell apart.'

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

'Grandpa says that, in his day, he had to walk 20 miles in the snow just to steal music.'

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"Frank's gone fishing, and he'll be looking forward to a fish dinner."

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"OK, let's go to contract."

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

Great Expectations - Managing Expectations

"It's a troubling ethical dilemma."

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

"Yes, this is a used coffin. My brother was a car dealer."

STRIP Hambone: Stolen laptops

"Rememeber Son, money can't buy happiness, but it pays for a lot of anti-depressants"

"What this place needs is a hydro-electric dam" "A glass of water would be nice"

"Your present state is caused by a hypersensitivity to existentialist thought. I'm recommending mega-doses of pragmatism as a therapeutic counteractive."

'It happens.'

"Always remain honest. Failing that, always remain solvent so you can afford a good lawyer."