Potted Plant Passionist Pillows

'The woodpecker is extra.'

Canine Companion

Thanks

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

'It's not another person, Hartwell -- I'm passing you over for promotion in favor of this potted plant.'

The songwriter who wrote a bridge about his bridge.

Pollution.

A woman in a purple gown playing the piano

'Your boyfriend doesn't get along with your cat? DUMP HIM!'

'I'm tired of begging, so I'm applying for a loan.'

"Well our move was PARTLY global warming and partly because the schools are better down here."

Alexander Blok

"Sorry, my mistake, I thought the dating agency said, 'a plain speaking man', 'bye."

Horace

James Ward-Prowse

"No, I can't just fire you up one of those stone oven pizzas."

Vincent Discovers Impasto

"Tell me I didn't marry a brine snob."

"I spilled my last drop of 'Eau de Passion'! Fragrance really does affect your mood!"

Chutney

'Are you using pesticides?'

'I sold enough of my blood to keep our website up for another week. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out.'

The Bed Treatment

I love my clarinet

Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements.

"Would you prefer smoking or non smoking?"

"For me, the vegetarian."

"There's more to life than just ticking boxes!"

It took me two weeks to knit but I have to rip it up and start over. I'm dating Mark now.

"Say, Jigsaw, what have you got there?"

'Okay, I was wrong - he's NOT just as afraid of us as we are of him.'