Perfume Passionista Pillows

"I spilled my last drop of 'Eau de Passion'! Fragrance really does affect your mood!"

Canine Companion

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

The songwriter who wrote a bridge about his bridge.

A woman in a purple gown playing the piano

"What would make it perfect, egg salad or pastrami?"

Michelangelo's first and last attempt at the splatter technique.

'I'm tired of begging, so I'm applying for a loan.'

'Your boyfriend doesn't get along with your cat? DUMP HIM!'

"Well our move was PARTLY global warming and partly because the schools are better down here."

Alexander Blok

"Sorry, my mistake, I thought the dating agency said, 'a plain speaking man', 'bye."

'The woodpecker is extra.'

Horace

Pizza By The Slice

Vincent Discovers Impasto

James Ward-Prowse

"No, I can't just fire you up one of those stone oven pizzas."

Bob was in the middle of his big presentation when suddenly, without warning, his deodorant failed.

'I sold enough of my blood to keep our website up for another week. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out.'

"Tell me I didn't marry a brine snob."

The Bed Treatment

I love my clarinet

A duck on postage stamp.

Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements.

"I think they're right - all those 'outlaw boxing' people."

"Would you prefer smoking or non smoking?"

It took me two weeks to knit but I have to rip it up and start over. I'm dating Mark now.

"Say, Jigsaw, what have you got there?"