Postmodern Art Fan Gifts

His films need to be viewed with a post modernist sense of irony...

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're welcome."

Klimt Kiss Phones

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Giant Monster in Bath

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"She said it has a blistering fervency that reminds her of a slide."

"Wentworth, could I take another look at that reorganization plan?"

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

A skinny dog drawn with zen brush.

'I have one just like this at home. My five year old son painted it.'

"Their titles from left to right are, 'Holiday in Palm Springs','Next mortgage payment' and 'Deposit on a new Porsche'

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

'Picasso'