Post-modern Art Aficionado Gifts

Art Gallery

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Well....I could've done this!"

Klimt Kiss Phones

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're welcome."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Jackson Pollock Studio

Cats at private view

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Picasso: The Early Years

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

The Cremaster Cycle

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

"Feel better, dear?"

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Art Gallery.

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."