Post-truth Analyst Gifts

Truth

US and the EU

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"We fell for this last time remember..."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

Tonight 'Richard III' a new play by William Shakespeare.

Postcards from Heaven...

"That was Brad with the Democratic weather. Now here's Tammy with the Republican weather."

"Sorry, I don't have an opinion - just in case I get vilified on social media. . ."

"After so much fake news, how can I believe you actually threw it this time?"

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

The Human Condition

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

'Earth became too small. I had to opt for a bigger planet for hell.'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

Europe

Damned if you do...

'Hell grew too large for earth. I had to relocate it to a larger planet.'

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

'This firm is committed to diversity -- I have yes-men, si-men, ja-men, oui-men, da-men, hai-men....'

....Today the new economic forecasts get published...and that means we have to work overtime...sorry.

'So do I get the job or not?'

"Look! A brave man using the medium of dance to protest against the fascist coronavirus measures of the government!"

Possible Merger Talks

"I'm expecting easy confirmation."

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

'So, Bob, we've decided to do some rebranding!'

"By the way, some of us have begun to feel that 'Because it's there' is not reason enough."