Post-surgery Gift Pillows

"I don't need the glasses, I had 3D laser eye surgery."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Christmas Presents.

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'Chewing cud, Steven? Well, I hope you brought enough for the whole class!'

En garde!

Santa called but you were out!

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

'They were all out of roses.'