Post-surgery Gift Pillows

"I don't need the glasses, I had 3D laser eye surgery."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Christmas Presents.

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

Santa called but you were out!

En garde!

'Chewing cud, Steven? Well, I hope you brought enough for the whole class!'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'