Post-divorce Decorator T-Shirts

'I love what you have done with the place since the divorce.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Unfinished Funiture Store.

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

Potichomania (The art of decorating glass), as carried out by Master Tom in the Easter holidays.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Bird collecting furniture for it's home.

I'm starting to think our new hardwood floor is made of driftwood.

Face Painting.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

Leda knew it was serious when the visited Ikea together.

'Gerald was stripping some old wallpaper, and there it was - Leonard Da Vinci's lost fresco ‘The Battle of Anghiari'.'

Man and woman buying furniture.

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'