Newlywed Decorator T-Shirts

"We would like the bed delivered immediately!"

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Use your imagination.

Painting the Ceiling

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"You're welcome."

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

"Too bright."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

New Coat of Paint at the Sistine Condos