Positive Thinker In Absurdity Gifts

The bright side of a nuclear meltdown

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

Be Healthy

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

What the Thinker was thinking: 'I think I can...I think I can...'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Admit it, we're lost."

Self-esteem room

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Barcode Dreams

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"The pizza came late and it was cold!"